Family is the most intense site for soul learning and growth. Those of you who are living with families, I congratulate you for the commitment you have made to grow.
The struggle within a family often comes via dysfunctional relationships.
Dysfunctional Relationships
Dysfunctional
Like when a parent instead of caring, protecting, listening, affirming a child—demands to be affirmed, cared for, protected and listened to.
Like when a child instead of playing, exploring, experimenting, trusting, following a parent is busy caring, affirming, protecting, listening, obeying, or leading a parent.
Like when a partner instead of being present, listening, affirming, supporting, caring, protecting a partner, blames, criticizes, taunts the other partner, is absent emotionally or physically, doesn’t listen, orders, or micromanages.
Relationship
When two humans relate to each other.
FOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
Virginia Satir, the famous family therapist from the mid-twentieth century United States, asserted that there were four ways people handled the negative results of stress:
Blaming: When a person holds someone else responsible for an unpleasant state.
Placating: When a person pleases, apologizes and never disagrees.
Reasoning: When a person attempts to be calm, cool and collected with no semblance of feeling.
Distracting: When a person says something irrelevant and not respond to the point.
RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO-WAY STREET
If there is a person who repeatedly uses blaming communication, there is someone who is possibly placating. If someone is using repeatedly logical communication, there is someone who is either blaming or distracting.
We help each other to sustain the dysfunctionality.
Have you noticed this in your family?
The co-founders of NLP modelled Virginia Satir to discover the structure of Congruent Communication—the whole-body way of Levelling communication. A levelling communication emerges from “I am OK, You are OK” space. Neither blame nor placating nor reasoning nor distracting. The ability to engage in difficult conversations in a vulnerable, authentic, and courageous way.
NLP program trains you to build congruency in your communication.
And how would that help in the experience of your family?